Hi, I’m Cub Grylls, Bear Grylls little brother. Of course you have seen my brother Bear Grylls on the popular show Man Vs Wild. Well I am here to promote my new show. Help me I’m Lost. In my brothers show he is dropped off at the most remote places on Earth and has to find his way back to civilization. With nothing but a flint and a condom. Eating whatever he has to, to survive and making bark hats to stay dry. Just like my uncle does. My show is similar in no way at all. I am on vacation with a group of idiots called the Clampitts, we get lost every trip and we have to read a map to find our way back home. Our hilarious antics will keep you only momentarily entertained.
Watch as I shine trout, it’s an old Ute Indian trick. I take off my shirt and the sunlight reflects off the water, bounces back off my chest and intensifies as it hits the trout eyes. Causing them momentary blindness. Then I smash them with a rock and eat ‘em. YUM, Yum.
Please be careful while playing on the big river,
why just last week a family of five perished out here and only 100 feet from a highway. First all their food was eaten by chipmunks, then they slowly starved to death. The youngest offered to be eaten so the rest could survive but sadly they were all vegetarians.
When caught out in the wild just remember butterflies are a great source of protein. Just pluck their wings off, snap their necks and suck out the juice. Very tasty but it takes about 100 of them for a 1 ounce serving.
When trout and butterflies just can't fill you up enough try this little trick, club a deer. You can eat on a deer for months providing you have a refrigerator. Plus the skin can be use to make a nice case for you cell phone. Remember the tame deers are the easiest to kill.
This is my Uncle B B Que Grylls, He says; remember campers always check your grill before you go on vacation.
Here is my Uncle B B Que in one of his famous bark hats.
Get it, bark hat.
So when you are caught out in the wild I hope you have packed a map, a rock, a working grill, a bark hat and a refrigerator, if you have all this stuff you should be able to survive.
And don't forget to watch my show.
9 comments:
I'll make sure to record it. Will probably have to take it in small doses.
When in the remote part of Fun City, it is always important to bring extra slide rides or go kart tickets, this saves day light and therefore time allowed to survive.
Two years ago a marmat stole the apples out of a hiker's napsack, he survived but he really missed eating that apple, because he brought it from home.
and don't forget to come down from the mountain by 1:00 each day as lighting storms can roll in very quickly...just last week a dumb Illinoisan was struck by lighting while holding one arm high into the air with a piece of bread.
If he only would have just ate the bread and continued down the mountain he would have been able to experience Fun City...which leads to my next safety tip - beware the chubby grumpy man running the register at Fun City, this species has been known to charge $7 for a 5 minute go-cart ride.
Just last week a group of 23 visited Fun City and left days later with Hundreds of dollars less than they came with.
I am so glad Eric had learned such great skills from all his travels to Colorado.Maybe at the Memorial Day Camp out, he can have educational sessions for the others......
That's RICH!
I packed all the essentials but somehow they landed on the median. Also remember that when all else fails you can go down the slide head first, just make sure you don't ask first. I too have traveled with these illinoians and they are as dumb as dirt. Some of them couldn't tell the difference between a bear and a hole in the wall. They did have one useful survival tip. Look for rocks. You can throw them. If they skip or go plunk you have located water. If you climb on them you can see farther or pose for pictures. And you can always use them to replace the ones in your head.
Great job Eric, I really enjoyed your trip feedback, I am feeling so much better about missing the Colorado trip but sure look forward to going on the next one
I should have taken "cubbie" with me this weekend...I was halfway to Indianopolis on 70, when I the car next to me shouted...."you're going the wrong way"
I think you are so funny! You can always make me laugh out loud, even if my dog had just died. I've never had a dog, but still if I had and it dropped dead, I'd still be laughing!
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