I know you may not have heard many of Jay's Jayism, most of them are from when we talk on the phone or play Pokerstars together. I will add more later.
AND NOW THE TOP TEN JAYISMS
10 IT WAS THE BEST DAY
9 YOU CAN’T MISS WITH THE STOOGES
8 I HATE THAT FUCKING PLACE
7 OH HE’S GOT IT
6 I’M A BIG BOY TODAY
5 WHY I OUGHTA
4 I’M SICK OF IT
3 JOE, CAN YOU SEND ME SOME MONEY ON POKERSTARS?
2 WE AREN’T GOING TO BE ABLE TO MAKE IT
2 IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN TIM
2 BASTARDS
2 HELLO GOVNOR SPOT THE LOONEY
2 TIT-FLICK
2 SNACK PACK
2 BORING
2 DOCTOR SAID I WOULDN’T HAVE SO MANY NOSE BLEEDS
IF I KEPT MY FINGER OUT OF IT
2 SORRY, SORRY EVERYBODY
2 HAVE YOU HEARD FROM JIM LATELY
2 THAT’S GOT A HURT
2
2
AND THE NUMBER ONE JAYISM
1 SHUP!!
THE TOP 10 THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR JAY SAY
10 I FINALLY WATCHED TOMBSTONE
9 I GOT A DUI
8 WE FOUND JAN’S HOUSE
7 I GOT FIRST PLACE ON POKERSTARS
6 I LOVE THE DALLAS COWBOYS
5 I GOT RID OF MY SASCROTCH(there is a Visine for that)
4 SEE THAT?
3 JER IS THE FUNNIEST BOZARTH
2 I LOVE MY JOB
AND THE NUMBER ONE JAYISM YOU WILL NEVER HEAR
1 SHUT UP
105 comments:
Ahh, I've never been the first to comment. It feels nice, very nice.
A few Jayisms from my childhood...
"Eureka? You don't smell so good yourself!"
-"Now I DRIVE the school bus!"
-"Why don't I pay more attention??" (While losing yet again to Liza during a Spades competition)
-"You're so ugly that when you were born the doctor looked at your face and your butt and said, 'twins!'"
-"Mom always said I had a perfectly shaped head."
Suzie I thought yours were funnier than Uncle Joe's!!
Why I oughta .....
Good ones Suzie!! :)
After throwing up at John & Paulette's 25th anniversary party at Moorman Park. "I didn't drink that much, it was from working all night." A week later I'm at Joe and Cindy's watching the video of the party. In many shots, Jay is seen in the background, always drinking beer. (They had a keg and he said someone kept refilling it he guessed) It's too bad he hadn't had a snack pack.
Also: "I know how to fix stuff, I just don't own the tools."
"Andre you are the best wife anybody ever had." (you know what he's after when he says that...supper)
Shortly before they took me to have Suzie by C-section, "We are too going to have lots more children, you'll forget this pain in no time." (at least wait until the baby is born before you talk about the next one)
"FALL BACK!" he can explain that one.
"I graduated with the highest temperature in my class."
and we thought there was a lot of Johnisms, I had a feeling there would be a shit load of Jayisms coming.
SHUP
My favorite is the stocking cap...how many people from a houseful of kids, can say this is their hat since second grade. I think Joe was wearing Jay's underwear at our wedding....I know Jay was wearing Joe's shoes. I am sorry Jay that I can't add to your Jay-isms, but the 4 of us sure had some good times as 'kids'...and I am SO glad you can still entertain my husband...he needs that.
I would like to hear an explanation for the "Fall Back" comment.
Actually SHUP was started by Jan, she had a mouth full of cabbage rolls and was lighting a fire balloon and as usual we where making fun of her.
My old-timey Jayism is when he was sitting on the floor watching tv about a foot from the screen (hell that could have been yesterday). But he was very young, maybe 6 or 7. A commercial came on for seatbelts and it ended with, "Do you have seatbelts?" And Jay answered, "No, we hold on."
But my very FAVORITE one was when he walked in the bathroom and Mom was in the tub. He pointed at her and asked, "What are those called again?"
Mom said, "They're breasts."
Jay: Remember when Jeffy used to suck on those?
Mom: (laughing) Yes.
Jay: Wasn't that cute? And we didn't even have a camera.
Good times. Good times.
JEFFY!!!! Were any of your children breastfed?
"Don't call me Shirley."
"Rectum hell I killed em."
"Why do we have to have all these kids".......oh no that was George.
"FALL BACK", Jay screamed that at me the second year we were married. It was the Saturday in April when daylight savings time begins. (damn farmers) I asked Jay if we turned the clocks forward or backwards. He replied pleasantly,"Spring forward, fall back." I said, "So we'll turn the clock forward." Jay repeated, not so pleasantly, "Spring forward, fall back." I said so at 2 am it will become 3 am. It was at this point he yelled, "FALL BACK!" I said softly, "Jay, it's spring." He was embarrassed. I've of course, never let him forget. Anytime he's insisting he's right and I don't think so, I just say, "Fall back."
Things I'll never say:
Jer, would you like to live at my house?
Janet, Mind if my daughter spills another drink in your living room?
John, will you let me build your house, with no help from anyone?
Jane, Can I take your van for a spin? (I've only had 6 shots of Captain Morgan ARR)
Joe, I wish you wouldn't have blogged me. I'm a very private person. SHUP
Jeff, you look like you've been working out.
Jill, Get me another Captain Morgan ARR,and Jane's van keys.
Jim, Hey YOU'RE online!!!
Another thing I'd never say to my siblings:
Let's have Christmas eve at my house!!!
I am not the funniest Bozarth.
Jer, don't eat that, it's got meat in it!
-where's fattey arbuckle
-I'd go all in
-little mattey
-we need a weekly
-I have to load again
-That's Rich!
The dentist said that I could still have corn on the cob as long as Andrea cuts it off and mashes it into a fine paste.
I work with itchy and douch bag on the dock.
Q-tip was the best cat.
Let's play Landslide.
I should have brought my guitar.
Jim
jay---if you had Christmas at your house you'd have to NICELY let JOE track mud in on your carpet and allow ADAM ONE rut in your yard without talking about it for months. And also not care about a spilled drink or a little lasagna on the carpet!
Ouch babe!
Keep floors dirt-free by using two mats at each door -- a rough one outside and an absorbent one inside.
To prevent ruts in your yard you have 2 options - #1 have a driveway wide enough for 2 vehicles to pass or - #2 live in civilization where there are blacktop roads. ps - #2 would help with the tracking in mud as well.
A good host never scolds his guest for accidents. Good manners require that a guest be made to feel comfortable.
A good host never scolds his guest for accidents. Good manners require that a guest be made to feel comfortable.
what does Joe say. "LET IT GO"
Tim, you have never posted before!
Is it really you? Your wife would say to build a bridge and go over it.
If that is Tim, than I really am Sammy Davis Jr.
If that is Tim, than I really am Sammy Davis Jr.
You are Sammy Davis Junior.
Oh my god, what did I miss
Uncle Mucker
Jay your blog post is going crazy
I wish I was
35
or even
36
I was a young woman at
37
I was at peak at
(what kind of peak?)
38
I'm dead but I'm still
39
I haven't been this age "in twenty years". Hey, that is a Jayism
40
I was the 41st president of the United States! They tried to impeach me! My wife hid my sins! She's a senator! I'm William Jefferson Clinton! I'm still good looking!
41
Uncle Mucker?
42
Slick Willie you have your information incorrect. George Herbert Walker Bush was the 41st President, William Jefferson Clinton was the 42nd, & George Walker Bush is the 43rd. Get it straight.
I knew I should have asked Senator Clinton before I posted! Thank you Jessi! We need fine young people like you, who take an interest in politics, to donate to my wife, Senator Clinton's campaign! I wish I'd had a smart intern like you when I was the 44 (?) president!Maybe you could have explained that it depended on the meaning of the word is, is!
This campaign message is not funded by the Democratic Party and is intended for...oh yeah Joe has a disclaimer. Did you SEE the way I kissed Tipper when I was nominated to run for president! I also coined the often used term, "super-information highway", and was the "Oliver" character" in "Love Story". Have you read that book Jessi? Anyhow I hope I have your support when I announce I'm not kissing Tipper in Public anymore. THAT'S RICH
46
Don't tell Mama....I'm for Obama.....
Isn't he hiding in a cave somewhere Jessica?
your friend,
Hilary
I don't know why Obama would be hiding in a cave somewhere. He could ask me to be his vice president and I promise not to say any more stupid things to college students that insult our troops. I also have a lot of money.
Notice I didn't say I wouldn't say stupid things to all other persons not in college. At least I don't think I invented the internet! Also if I kiss Teresa Heinz, it's because I like ketchup.
Tipper, I only kissed you because our polling audience thought it showed we were a happily married couple who had sex with each other. They could see the difference between me and the former president Bill Clinton, who apparently found solace outside his marital bed. I had John Kerry for a vice-president and I think that hurt me because he was rich and arrogant. Has anyone see my monthly utility bill...I waste energy all the time, but I believe the middle class and the poverty stricken should use more candles. Frankly, they're houses might smell better too. Public transportation is very important to the environment. Poor people should ride the bus. Joe, I hope you understand, that every time a light switch is left on, energy is wasted. Let's leave them in the dark, then I could kiss whoever I want to.
Al Gore's running mate was Sen. Joe Liebermann actually, not John Kerry. Also, an Inconvenient Truth does not stress the use of Public Transportation in the form of buses as this spreads the appearance of smog & other toxins. Commuting, bike riding, mopeds, ferries, & other such methods are preferred before mass transportation likes buses. If other options are not available, then mass transportation should be used.
Joe Liebermann, that pompous fool, he cost me the election! Annonymous, who asked you? When was the last time you ran for president? Have you seen the energy my home wastes?
"An Inconvenient Truth", was written by me, not for me.
OUCH BABE
ran out of Jayisms so soon?
how about...
for a buck?
I don't see it!
a 5 and a 2 and a 4 and a 3 and five card under will pay double. (sung like gordon lightfoot)
let's stay at the cabin 2 nights?
Yeah, and that crack about the energy bill isn't true. One of you all sent the email and it was ass backwards. Notice how I didn't send an email to everyone saying CHECK SNOPES.COM? Yay for me being understated. Until now, that is.
The email about Al Gore's house using loads of energy was true. I checked it out on the internet. There was also a news conference I saw yesterday where a democrat said, "Even though he doesn't follow his own advice on his personal use of energy, the message he sends out inspires others to be energy conscience."
Yay for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I KNOW Al Gore is a Tree Hugging Fake...Jay Leno said so, and I believe EVERYTHING he says since the day he said "kids, listen to your parents, they are always right, and even if they aren't they will be dead before you know it and you will be sorry you didn't" The man is a saint. He would not lead ME Wrong and when he says Al Gore Electric bill for JUST the Tennessee home was over 3 GRAND for the Month of December and he did not spend ONE single day there....That is NOT the man I want telling me how to conserve...He is a tree hugging geek that wants the LITTLE man to prove him right while he lives in a Mansion (didn't we just overthrow a ruler like that somewhere in the world?)
Cindy, Thank you! I obviously agree with you. I think Al Gore is a hypocrite. Just because he's rich, and can afford to spend 3 grand a month for utilities in one house, he owns three, doesn't mean he should. He should practice what he preaches. Those private jets use a lot of fuel and they aren't helping the environment either. I bet his car isn't a hybrid either
and he COULD afford to buy one. That is why so many liberal drive me crazy. It's all smoke and mirrors.
Ditto with the conservatives.
Just noticed that you didn't tell the "rest of the story." It is a house four times larger than the average home and functions as a business address as well as their home. Additionally they pay a premium each month to the utility company so the majority of their energy comes from "green" sources (solar or other renewable resources). The Tennessean (newspaper) said that with these and other mitigating factors, the Gores use about the same amount of energy as other homes in the area. Just thought I'd post the rest of it.
Ok Jer...tell you what. When Al downsizes to ONE home, and in that one home he needs a large cup of water to flush his toilet, then I will get on board with him. I think until then I will choose an environmental Ambassador I can believe in...How about Joe...he recycles everything from Blog material to his visine bottle, and if you throw a recyclable away here you do without supper. He keeps the thermostat at 66 degrees all winter (lower at night). I'm sure Al's never been so uncomfortably cool in his life. (and he still paid 3 grand to his local electric company....we don't spend that all year. BTW..do you think Al paid 10% of his actual income in Taxes this year...I am sure running and "office" out of his home(s) allows for a huge tax advantage, don't you?
They're filthy rich Jer. He's not concerned about saving energy when it comes to him and his family. They can afford to pay for "green" energy sources and guess what....then he doesn't have to pay any taxes on it! I'm sure the other mansions in his neighborhood have huge utility bills too. Their owners aren't however making speeches about how the "rest of us" (middle class and poor) should conserve energy. I wonder if his other two homes are used for offices too. More tax breaks. I'm well read on the subject of Al Gore.
Mitigating Factors = Smoke and Mirrors
Check Snopes.com the resource you refrenced, said the story of the two houses was accurate! You must not have read very carefully.
He's very prudent with energy,he recycles, he's a wonderful husband and father......Joseph Bozarth. He's a loyal government worker. He works longer hours than most politicians AND he looks like JFK. All he needs now is no embarrassing relatives.
Jayisms?? I don't know what you people are talking politics for. Don't forget to vote today!
I hate this shit. I truly do. So am very sorry I brought this up. I disagree with nearly everyone in the family regarding politics and that will never change. Jer, the bleeding heart liberal, dyed in the wool left-leaning social worker (who will not write another political comment on Joe's blog, I promise)
Jay also said that Jill sent angel food cake to us from heaven
I'm surprised no one posted the reindeer line.
Please,I don't want anyone to know what Jay did to that poor reindeer...seriously though, Elaine had just walked in the door, from the hospital, after Jill died. Jay tugged her coat and said, "Jill's a reindeer now, right Mom?" Even though Christmas was long over he was confusing flying angels with flying reindeer.
Did you ever straighten that out for him, Andrea? Or is the poor soul still confused?
Shup 75
Jasper What comes after 75..........................................................76..........................Thats th spirit
77
Thought of another one. Jay was young-in grade school-and was watching Joey Heatherington (a female) dance in scanty clothes. He said, "Mom, something is wrong with my dinger. It hurts."
His first erection. Our little boy was growing up.
What does dyed in the wool mean? Am I a bleached wool conservative?
Seriously, forget politics, what does dyed in the wool mean?
Also, if my heart were bleeding I'd seek medical attention.
I'm not being mean or anything. It kind of read that way. I should have inserted a :-). I just really was interested. Knowledge is power and I want to get me some of that.
Also I've been up since 4:45 am and I'm nine hours in to a 12 hour shift. I always get up on weekdays at 4:45, but usually I'm getting home around now.
81
I'd tell you what I was doing at work, but then I'd have to kill you.
The secret in secretary is there for a purpose.
Joe, help, Jay's not here to stop me. (he's the boss of me.)
"Dyed in the wool liberal" What does that mean. Don't let all these comments throw you off track.
Yeah, what does "dyed in the wool liberal mean"?
Yeah, what's up with that dyed in the wool liberal s$*t?
The ewe was shaved while he was asleep, so he didn't suffer the annoying sound of clippers...
Her stiped wool sweater is different colors and it stands to reason the wool was dyed...
It does not make any sense.
Hey Albert, a ewe is a female sheep! (I looked)
I want to know what dyed in the wool liberal means too. Don't be circumspect and then get all cryptic with your explanation either.
Obviously she doesn't know what it means. Nobody does. It's one of those sayings that was relevant 100 years ago and now doesn't mean anything.
Maybe it means being true to your OWN convictions, but only one side is allowed that liberty???? I think we are lucky to live in the greatest country in the world that lets us, no ENCOURAGES us to KNOW they are wrong!!! And it is ALL CRAP when we live in a COMMUNITY that lets mothers get by with endangering their childrens lives to the point of their deaths. Why don't the politicians take on that challenge instead of hugging trees and making war?
90
"Dyed in the wool -- if wool is dyed before it's made up into yarn, or while it was still raw wool, the color would be more firmly fixed."
91
"The figurative sense -- have one's habits or traits so deeply ingrained as to be inflexible -- seems not to have been used in England before the late sixteenth century, for a writer of that period thought he had to explain his meaning when he used it. This was odd, for England was largely dependent upon her textile industry then and earlier..."
and now you know....
....THE REST OF THE STORY
"Goodnight David"
And that's the way it is April 27, 2007
There will be abundant sunshine today!
If you put Rich Cain with Shan Hendrix together, do you know what you get? Les Sachs (Less Sex)
We are going to sue this blog and then.....oh we just read Joe's disclaimer. Never mind.
You're entering a NO spin zone.
I'm dizzy.
Katie Couric will never get my kind of ratings.
Shup.
Now Mr. Shup....YOU know, we all KNOW, you are NOT anonymous.....You are who this blog posting is all about......Yes, it's all about YOU (no, wait, that's Jer) but this one IS about you...Jay.
Mr.102....shup
I don't know who you are Mrs. Shup, but if you're after my man, Jay, well I am mighty jealous. A bridesmaid once looked at Jay and I almost had Rob take her out. She was a sl&t and a w$%re and one of Karen's friends. (with friends like that you don't need enemies Karen)
I remember that tramp...Jay looking all handsome and debonair, and her making her moves, hangin on his every word.....I remember how mad Rob was on your behalf Andrea...it took 4 of us, and your reassurance that it was ok, to hold him back...that an a shot of tequila with me! So MRS. Shup, you better step off....WE have PEOPLE!
Yeah we do have PEOPLE so stay away from my man, see he's all mine. I wonder if that cheap bridesmaid could see his huge organ through his tux. (dinger)
Ninety percent of all statistics are fabricated. Eighty percent of the Bozarth's are ugly.
Please stop commenting here! In spite of Joe's disclaimer, IF you irritate me, I will kick your dog.
Post a Comment